Makeup remover $2000

Michael told me I wouldn't cry today. It seems like all I do is cry... Michael's mom took me out and it was maybe 20 minutes away but I cried and cried and just wanted to be held by my husband. I did however pray outloud for the first time in front of other people... I don't know maybe that is good. I feel bad for Michael because while using my makeup remover (tears) people look at him like he has beaten me, which he has never or would never. It was all triggered by other peoples kids.... I honestly (as bad as this is) hate other people. I want my baby girl with me. I want to hold her. I want to feed her. I want to hurt them. It is terrible, I know but it is how I feel. I also feel like I'm in a no win area of life with everything. I need help but I am getting a free place to stay so I need to shut the heck up, but then I need breast feeding stuff and meal food... I wanna kill my job, no fmla, no vacation, no pto, how can they do this??? How selfish, it seems so wrong, but then again it is a job. I even feel bad (and cry, again)  when we ask to turn down the air to below 78 because it is free but I don't want to ask my mom, his mom and I can't expect my best friend on her birthday weekend to drop it all and ask for her to drive here when it is just a stupid fan!!!! I guess that is my hormonal rant. I need to lift and quit being a big baby, I had her and I knew what I was doing 9 months ago.

Amelya was the most stable today and I really like her nurse. I hope we get her tomorrow. No big changes except for double light therapy because her bili is so high and 5ml of food every 3 hours to help combat the bili... So Amelya gets booooobie juice! It is all fed though a nipple and squirted in and she gobbles it up and gets hiccups! It is sooooo cute. Michael woke up specifically to feed her last night. I couldn't of chosen a better father. He is so awesome.

Some of my family (mom, sister) (as well as michaels mom, sister)  is also down and so I got the wipes to clean the pump when I'm at the hospital, a box to keep her things in, pictures (to help make Boobie juice, and no not porn!), a cross for her bed, some cookies, a new t shirt and medicine for Michaels allergies (which are horrible and he can't see her if he is congested) and some smell good soap (luxury, but I feel better with smelly goods) which really helped things since we were NOT planning on a month here. :( 

On a more positive note, stay tuned we may have surgery the next couple days, keep prayers coming and we are so thankful for everything : )